Opposite Action
How To Turn Things Around, George Costanza-Style
It was my birthday last week! Patrick and I had a great time away despite everything that’s going on in the world today.
But if you’re like me, not every day can be a fun-filled extravaganza. Not even close. I’ve realized over the years that my natural tendencies are toward procrastination, avoidance, and inertia. If I went with my gut, I’d stay in bed all day every day, reading endless piles of library books while grazing on whatever was the easiest/closest food on hand. I’d never exercise, shower, work, or talk to other people.
Most of the time, I’m able to conquer those tendencies, but generalized anxiety, depression, and/or stressful situations (like all of 2020) can ambush me on any given morning. That’s when, to get anything at all done and to have some self respect, I use one of several coping strategies I’ve developed over the years.
I put all these strategies under a general umbrella that I call the George Costanza Opposite, or GCO. If you’re unfamiliar with Seinfeld, George is the sidekick character who embodies all of my natural tendencies run amok. His life is generally miserable as a result. In one episode, however, George decides to do exactly the opposite of what he usually does, and life starts going great.
Generally, the more important something is and/or the better it is for me, the less I want to do it. My personal Obi-Wan, Steven Pressfield, calls this principle Resistance. Resistance can clue us in to what we’re really supposed to be doing with our time, whether on a micro or macro level. I give in to Resistance more often than I’d like to admit, but when I manage to employ the GCO and kick Resistance to the curb, I feel great and am able to build momentum.
It wasn’t until last Monday—when my dear friend Yvonne mentioned using Opposite Action over the weekend to declutter a room in her house—that I had an inkling that anyone else had developed something like my GCO. It turns out that Opposite Action is a skill taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). The bad news is that I’m not as original as I’d thought—but the good news is that there’s lots of evidence to support the wisdom of the GCO.
Here are some of my tried-and-true GCO subroutines:
1) Accountability: I’ve had an angelic accountability partner for years, and we’ve written and lectured at length about our system. Whenever I don’t feel like reporting in, that’s when I know I need it the most. Sometimes texting Annette that I brushed my teeth feels like a victory—and when I do, she always cheers me on.
2) The 45/15: I think I got this from the FlyLady decades ago. Each hour is broken into four 15-minute blocks. Set your timer and work as fast as you can on something you don’t feel like doing. When the timer goes off, reset it and switch to another chore. When the timer goes off again, reset it and switch chores once more. For the fourth stretch of 15 minutes, do something fun. Repeat this series until you’ve gotten everything done.
You could work it like this: 15 minutes cleaning the kitchen/15 folding laundry/15 decluttering a drawer/15 watching a fun show on Netflix.
Or you could: write for 15/research for 15/revise for 15/spend the last 15 catching up on social media.
You’d be amazed at how much you can get through, and how easy it is when you take those built-in 15-minute breaks as your reward.
3) CH3: Speaking of rewards, this is one of the most effective self-motivation routine I’ve ever invented. CH3 = Chapter/Chore/Chocolate. Get a book that’s unputdownable—something fun and compelling and escapist. Read a chapter (or for 15 minutes), and then put the book down. Do a chore on your list. Have a piece of chocolate. Repeat until you’re through your list. This and the 45/15 are one of the ways I read at least 85 books per year. But you could do this with TV, if you’re more of a TV person.
4) Just10: I’ve written before about the daily habits I track every month. Sometimes I really am not in the mood, in which case, I promise myself I only have to do 10 minutes’ worth of whatever it is. Almost always, once I’m 10 minutes in, I have the will to keep going. But once in a while, I limit myself to 10 minutes so that I can believe myself on all the other days. Common “Just10s” for me are walking the dog; rowing; writing; practicing the piano and/or organ; and scripture study.
5) Dress Up: Natural Tendency Me would prefer to schlub around in a T-shirt and yoga pants 24/7. Most days, I can overcome that and do my usual shower/shine (SH2), but when I really don’t want to, I GCO and dress up. A little more makeup, extra jewelry, a second spritz of perfume, cuter shoes…even if I’m not going out (and that’s a lot these days), I do better when I feel a little bit chic.
6) Dance Party: Even though I cook a ton and have written a cookbook, I don’t actually love cooking. I love having cooked, and I love eating, so that’s usually enough motivation to get me through dinner prep. But once in a while, when I’m most tempted to throw some Cheez-Its at the family and run away, I have a Dance Party instead.
First, I shuffle a special playlist called “Down and Out.” These are songs that never fail to elevate my mood. I hear the opening chords, and I’m already smiling. I’m sure you can think of songs that do that for you, but in case you need ideas, I’ll list mine below.
Once the music’s going (nice and loud, thank you very much), I sing at the top of my lungs and boogie while I’m cooking. It’s magical how much better I feel. It’s also magical how much I embarrass my children—even better! And then once dinner’s ready, I get to eat, so: another bonus!
7) Be the Dream: Going to a funeral and hearing a good eulogy is always a good kick in the pants for me. I go home wondering what people will say about me when I’m gone. At times like that I realize that it’s not enough to wish I had certain qualities. Patrick loves to quote NFL coach Bill Parcells, who said, “You are what your record says you are.” Not your intentions or dreams, but your daily choices form your character. Here are some facets of my ideal self:
Humble Christian
Successful Writer
Generous Friend
Effective Activist
Thoughtful Neighbor
Smokin’ Red-Hot Wife
Cool Mom Who Does Fun Stuff with the Kids
Gracious American with Surprisingly Good French
Magic Grandma (Someday far, far in the distant future)
Lady Who Plays Chopin on the Piano While It’s Raining Outside
Useful Congregant Who Can Accompany Hymns with No Notice
It’s not enough to dream about being that person. I have to be the dream. Taking any small step towards realizing those desires always makes me feel better and helps me keep moving forward.
What about you? Do you have any methods I can add to my arsenal? If so, please share! I’m always on the lookout for something new.
Down and Out Playlist:
Roll with the Changes, by REO Speedwagon
When I Am King, by Great Big Sea
Captain Kidd, by Great Big Sea
Lukey, by Great Big Sea & The Chieftains
Ce Qui Guide Mes Pas, by Soleil
Don’t Leave Me This Way, by The Communards
El Rompecintura, by Los Hermanos Rosario
Touch, by Little Mix
Custard Pie, by Led Zeppelin
Immigrant Song, by Led Zeppelin
Rock and Roll, by Led Zeppelin
Suspicious Minds, by Fine Young Cannibals
Dynamite, by BTS
The Voice, by The Moody Blues
I Melt With You, by Modern English
China Grove, by The Doobie Brothers
Lay All Your Love on Me, by ABBA
Take a Chance on Me, by ABBA
Tesla Girls, by OMD
Get Lucky, by Daft Punk/Pharell Williams
Any Way You Want It, by Journey
Demolition Man, by The Police
Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, by The Police
Feel It Still, by Portugal. The Man
Mayor of Simpleton, by XTC
I love your ideas! I have a play list called “It’s a Good Day for a Good Day”. It starts off with Lovely Day by Bill Withers. I know what you mean by the smile that starts with the first note of music.
this made my morning...I could hear you telling me this IRL (I wish!)
here we go, week! :)